I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
only if we run a train.
done.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
