You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
