Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
