We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
