Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
