Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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