put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
