I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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