I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
