Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
and she was petting her beer can
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
