i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
