your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
