btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
