You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
