so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I wish i was in the wii world.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
