FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
