I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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