i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
