I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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