Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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