I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
