Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
