i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
