Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
