i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
