Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
