I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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