If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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