I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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