all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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