I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
