Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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