I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
