good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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