Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
