I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
