Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm always down for nudity.
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