dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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