Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
