everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
