That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
