She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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