So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
