why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Randomize
