the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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