Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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