I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
