is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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