You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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