forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
