Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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