4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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