I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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