I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
