I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
