I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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