This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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