Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I accidentally burped into my bong.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
His hands were made for my vagina.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
