Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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