something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She even gives head with a lisp.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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